TALKING WITH CHILDREN ABOUT DEATH
Death should not be a "hush-hush" topic with children.
Relying upon euphemistic phrases such as...."She passed
away"...."He's gone to sleep"...."Grandma went away
on a long trip"....are often more harmful than helpful.
Death is a NATURAL AND NORMAL CONSEQUENCE OF LIVING.
It should not be a taboo subject for thought or discussion.
Virtually every child will experience the death of
a friend, a pet or a family member (or knows someone
who has had such an experience and shared it with them).
Children do develop thoughts and ideas about death
at an early age. They also learn quickly who they can
and cannot talk with about those thoughts and ideas!
Ages 3-5: These children do not yet accept death
as a permanent process. Death has an ending and they
often ask questions such as "when will Grandma come
back?" They fear separation more than death.
Ages 5-9: These children are beginning to understand
that death is permanent, but it is not yet universal.
Death is often personified and given powers to select
those who are to die.
Ages 9-12: Death, for these children, is permanent,
personal and universal. They understand that they too
will die....someday. They are fascinated with the macabre
and find details of death events appealing.
Ages 12 and up: Most adolescents have reached adult
levels of understanding about death. Many adolescents
have very intense emotions about death and do spend
time thinking about death.
Children should be offered opportunities to talk
about death as they experience it in their everyday
world. The death of flowers, leaves, pets and relatives
should be addressed as a natural occurence in the scheme
of life.
Children should be included in the rituals of death
whenever possible and appropriate. They should be offered
the opportunity to participate if they so desire.
Expressions of sadness and grief should be shared.
They can participate in the support of family and friends
and should be included in familyhvisits and conversations.
Children's questions about death should be answered
as honestly as possible. It is important to try to
discover what is behind the question being asked and
to respond appropriately. Do not feel obligated to
have all the answers! Sometimes, wondering and exploring
are more important than answering. do not ignore questions,
however. Some type of response is always needed as
children will create answers for questions not heard
and explored. |